Does this sound familiar?
My husband and I have been going through a rough patch for the last several years. There is no intimacy, I am not attracted to this person and at times can be repelled. We live together as room mates and sleep in separate bedrooms. I am responsible for the management of the house, child rearing(we are almost empty nesters) and I take care of his every need. I feel done but don’t want to leave. I am torn due to wanting a marriage, not a roommate, but cannot imagine life without him. When I try to talk about this he sees nothing wrong and thinks I am creating problems. He refuses couples counseling.
And then there is only silence in the home. You have stopped asking, screaming, crying for what you need. You have given up and you are don’t know if it’s “bad enough” to go. So many people will say that their partner is not a “bad person” and that they don’t have it that bad, there is no abuse physically, maybe emotionally neglectful, but is that “bad” enough to go. . Saying this you feel like most people would walk but it is much harder to do that and you are not sure you want to leave. I had a husband come in and say, I don’t know what she wants, she’s never happy, or nags me constantly.
Or maybe your spouse drinks everyday and every time you hear a beer pop open you have a somatic response. Has this become your norm to walk on eggshells in your house, put airpods in to avoid hearing the opening of beers, stay outside the home as much as you can to avoid him and bite your tongue when you are home because you do not want to trigger a tirade. Or they pass out early on couch, do not help with the night time routines, but denies this is a problem. Maybe you notice the increase in alcohol use, they are more argumentative but does not remember the fight. So you are left with so many unresolved arguments that take place during a black out. So many people are wondering when is enough enough? Is there anything left to fight for?
